Billyboy

2006-08-03T22:46:00.000+10:00

pffff.......have been in some sort of depression lately....its getting more and more harder to get up and go to work.....i remember i used to really look forward in going to work.....getting there by 8:30......but now it seems that i start to go to work at 8:30......and not arriving till like 10 to 9.....and for some reason, i never seem to find my way correctly in the building......always seem to get to the wrong place.....getting out of the lift at level 19, i always head towards the non secure area......and did that yesterday.......bumped into ppl and realised how embarrasing it was....and today, i got off the lift one level early and ppl just looked at me cos they all saw me pressing the level 19 button......anyway, i am just not motivated that i dont really look up and forward to work.....

i just dont understand sometimes how the good times seem to go so quickly, yet the tough times are just dragging along....anyway, just not happy at work lately.....so yes, nowadays i have been thinking harder and harder about my career.....and also about my future plans too of course.....i mean, i'm 23 and although i really dont want to grow up, but one has to be realistic......and it just makes me think more and more about how life would be so cool when you're young.....not much to worry about at all!!!

meanwhile, i've been caught with the flu.....and a sore neck/back that had lasted for like almost a week now.....very annoying.....but lucky my babe gave me some really good medicine to me and i got rid of it in just over a day.....and needed to go to work also, which is bad....well, weekend is within reach.....and really need to just slow down and chill out a little bit....

just thinking of things to look forward to, well, this weekend is quite interesting.....going to westmead....and in a fortnights time, we're off to watch the game between the soccerwhos and kuwait.....had a look at the squad and it really seems like they are the soccerwhos.....they must represent the future of australian soccer......right, moving on, we then have melbourne in september, which is pretty cool literally....but i guess i would like it to be earlier.....

talking to my girl atm and she just told me that i am dont care enough because i couldnt remember her timetable properly....i'm like, what the? I guess i have to be unemployed to be able to remember her timetable (what time she starts, which varies from time to time) and then there's also the shift swaps that needs to be accounted for too! oh well, life.....

meanwhile, she's quite joyous over the fact that her payroll officer was sacked.......and then i thought oh gosh, it could happen to me too!!!! i'm glad that she doesnt have to deal with that payroll officer anymore.

My expenditure using credit card has been huge of late, and is really eating into my savings......this month, it could well be over 2000 bucks, an amount which i was trying to save for like half a year......and it's just gone all in one go.......however, in return, i do get a set of 6 books.....whicb is the recommended readings for CFA......finally i am getting back into study.....back to an area where i dont have too much confidence on......

Anyway, with so many things happening, i shall need to take a rest.....and battle for one more day.....and hopefully survive!

2006-07-02T12:37:00.000+10:00

Not happy...thats why i am writing here....

Again, it's sunday, almost the weekend gone....not really wanting to face another week of work...because i am getting sick of it i suppose....

I have found myself struggling again at work....the fact that its complexity is just really getting into me....and i guess thats where everything sort of starts.....work starts to get tough and me not understanding the concepts led to me asking all sorts of questions which isnt really helpful to the team....we are all under pressure and it seems that i am letting the team down and not doing my part....and when your direct report asks you how long you've been in the position for, it seems that something is not right...and the fear of losing my job sounds like its becoming a reality in a really short term.....one can only hope that this doesnt happen and think positively....however, having tried to do that, i have reached a point where it's not gonna help...getting off work every night, i tried to think of things i could do to cheer me up, like thinking about tennis....talking to my girl.....but i've been suffering setbacks every night i get off and that it seems enough....

Because of this, yesterday when i was having arvo tea (lunch) with my girl, i brought up the idea of finding a casual job on the weekends, to keep income flowing i suppose....and hoping to do sth which i find less stressful at the same time....but my girl was not supportive of that, and the reasons she gave was very valid....however, not sure if that will stop me still....

Been trying to study as much as possible on notes from uni as part of an attempt to refresh my knowledge so that i could apply to work....been buying books, spending a fortune just to try and learn and hoping by doing this, i can possibly keep my job....but time factor has kicked in....i have almost no time anymore....and i can blame no one but me....having mucked around (like playing PS2) every night after work since i started this role to up till like 2 or 3 months ago and now i can see it's taking its toll.....

I guess thats something that is good about GG.... a lot less stressful.... no need to worry too much about post grad studies.....sth which is at the back of my mind that i needed to do...because of the dynamics of the industry....i mean GG offers me a much more relaxed life (i suppose)...so a career change to a different industry is in the back of my mind too.....

And nothing seems to cheer me up at all.....england, brazil, holland are all out of the world cup....not happy at all....and the fact that i tipped them to do well ended in disaster.....and really putting a dent in my self confidence...now i am gonna start watching tennis....

Disappointed....seems like everything is working against me.....and given that i have tried to do almost everything to improve my life at work and at home and it's not working, i think i have succumbed to the fact that i am JUST NOT TALENTED......

2006-03-06T00:00:00.000+11:00

thats it.....decision made....gonna stop playing competitive sport after this season....volleyball, tennis.....will pretty much quit playing....as much as i love sport, it's just not really for me....

both are really sad stories i guess....well, for tennis, we keep getting smashed....but i didnt expect myself to win anyway....all i wanted was just to play a bit....so i guess i chose the wrong comp la....now i cant wait for that to finish...

volleyball....hmm.....tonight was a huge loss....we had a full team for once but was not too well prepared....and i feel i have let the team down in many aspects....and at times when i look at the guys, they dont seem too happy either, and meanwhile, my gf just kept laughing...so that's where i am a little uncomfortable....i dont know whether to laugh or to be unhappy....but anyway, little things like that.....shouldnt really matter that much....maybe the guys were unhappy with my contribution.....anyway....i think i am a little screwed in my head...

the season ends in april for both so by then maybe i should re-evaluate what i am supposed to do with my life....but then there's soccer.....was motivated, but now i am thinking twice.....not sure whether i will fit into the team....got my boots yesterday, after my gf indirectly pressured me into getting them....i mean if i didnt get them yesterday, she would think i am wasting my time....

work tomorrow.....not motivated for that either.....feel like waiting to get retrenched....and maybe i could make it to Germany!!!! anyway, no money to go that far....but would love the experience though...

just waiting for things to get better....

2006-03-02T00:08:00.000+11:00

it's been a long time since i have written in here.....and i guess thats because this is a diary of despair....so it's been a while since i have experienced this kind of feeling....and this time it kinda hurts.....

there isnt much that i hope for in life....a stable job....a job that i enjoy....and spending time with my loved ones happily and do other things that i enjoy and thats pretty much it.....but when none of this is happening, you find yourself in a very rough patch......

i have to admit, my mood varies quite drastically......really happy one day and feeling like shit the next.....and today was just shit....

had some trouble at work....and it just made me feel bad.....made me incapable of doing things properly....and the fact that i have been there for like 7 months, its just not a good feeling at all....and there is "Project Track" in the back of my mind...a cost-cutting exercise from work, which just makes it very unstable at the moment...

despite all this, i said to myself: look, i can get over this.....if not, and if i do get redundant, there are many other opportunities out there....and it's a great experience anyway to be able to get paid and learn..... Saying this somehow makes me feel better....for one minute....

lost again in tennis.....not that it matters too much.....yes, i am hopeless, and i just not feel too motivated.... it was a risk that i took..... and lost.... why i said that? cos all i wanted to do was to enjoy what i wanted to do, so winning was not really an issue....all i wanted to do was to play.... and now i keep losing, i do feel down.....

and of course, there is the loved one.....been having issues with her of late....we were arguing.....and tonight i could feel that she wanted to make things work....there was quite a bit of miscommunication between us of late and that just didnt turn out too well....

given everything seem to go against me, i am feeling so down that i really dont want to be here anymore....i feel that i lack confidence, and also the fact things seem to get the better of me, i feel quite useless too! i feel that i am a liability at work....and also a let down to my gf....

i feel out of place in this society....

and i am almost 23.....

wished that i could go away......to escape from everything......and start a new life somewhere in this world.....

2006-01-15T10:58:00.000+11:00

it seems a long time since i have actually written here so i guess it is time to do so...seeing someone is kinda complaining.....

the festive season is now kinda winding down.....with aussie day pretty much the next public holiday to look forward to....and things have been pretty normal throughout this period....just a very relaxing, peaceful and bludging time spent through this christmas....i even had a few days taken off between xmas and new year and i kinda regretted it....they are the bludgiest days to work and i took them off and instead i just spent time at home.....good old home....

knowing me, given the fact that around 70% of the week is spent on working, it is of no surprise that most of the things happening does tend to revolve around work....work sux as usual....and given it was partying time of the year, there were lots and lots of drinks going on and really that is just not my cup of tea....and because of this and also the fact that i am not such an easy person to get along with, i just feel that i am not really fitting in well with the people at work.....and certainly i have nothing against them....they are really really nice people....

work has certainly been in a bit of turmoil of late......managers leaving, and then management is looking into labour cost cutting, meaning redundancy is at the back of my mind all the time...and if not, it's gonna be cut in salary.....not kinda happy....but then i do feel very lucky to be given the opportunity to work anyway....

and then there arisen some dilemmas.....had been having some really meaningful conversation with my bb and we were discussing what our plans will be for this year.....well, planning to go to honkas and japan at the end of teh year and that's pencilled in.....and then we discussed how we are going to save money....and also how i should put back further studies......and here's the dilemma.....in this industry, knowledge is power....and to really survive through this job, i think study is better to be sooner rather than later....but then my bb doesnt think so....and i guess shes got a point too....so again i am in the state of indecisiveness....and it's killing me...

not looking forward to work next week too.....my workmate is on holz again and heaps needs to be done....so that kinda suck.....

but something to look forward to is the fact that i am back playing tennis again!!! went to grading night on wednesday and it was pretty good....lots of fun until rain kicked in and got myself soaking wet.....got home and cooked noodles and bb kept teasing me for not being able to cook.....

friday night had drinks with work ppl before dinner with carlo ppl and then drinks at bar 333....it was nice catching up with the gang and thanks bb for coming along.....

well gotta see my bb soon.....but gotta watch some volleyball first and then pick my bro up from airport hehe....

let there be peace on earth!!!!

2005-11-25T21:18:00.000+11:00

gee....i do feel a little torn apart these days....

work has been a little all over the place of late....while i am starting to get the hang of the work, i still feel a little rusty at it....and at the same time, there's all these online assessments that you have to do to be compliant....and the thing is, everybody seem to do it quite smoothly, but as for me, i keep failing every now and then...very discouraging and mood swings occur more frequently....

while today was kinda a bummy type of day, cos my mgr went up the coast and wont be back till tues, and almost everyone went to this leadership program, i was almost left alone with only a few of us remaining in the office, so practically do whatever i want....
earlier today, my senior manager came to me and said that basically im like the only one in the team who she doesnt know too much about...and that just reflects my shy personality...which can be good and bad....but another thing that came from this is that it seems that i dont mix in well with all the other people...hmmmm...food for thought....

today, i completed all my mandatory online assessments and passed them all, so i was pretty hyped....yay! no more online assessments for this year at least!

last week was pretty cool....took the friday off (time in lieu) and grabbed the car and took my babe up to the entrance....hmmmm...cool! we went kayaking, pedal boating, and got really sunburnt....but not when i got back to the hotel.....we also watched pelican feeding too!!! our hotel was great! no views, but a beautiful pool....with a poolside bar, which was closed....and a nice spa....but anyway, we went down to terrigal on the way home on saturday and had lunch and then went to erina fair to hang around....

the following sunday was our semis and while i was fully aware of the opponents and their level has been quite good this season, i was skeptical that we would win, but in the end, we got home comfortably, and i played a really good game too!!! man, that stretching exercise before the game really did help...gotta try that again in the finals!!!

had the first christmas party yesterday and while the place was nice....outside opera house, the food was crap, the drinks were dodgy and the restrooms are like 200m away! but then, i bumped into one of my uni friends, had a quick chat and that was pretty much it....

was reading emails from my bb about KK....haha...didnt know how to spell KrisKingles...well, dont think i know how to spell it either...but at least i know it starts with a K as that makes more sense...

anyway, shall stop here....finals is pushed back and this sunday will be just training...cool!

2005-11-07T21:24:00.000+11:00

man....another week gone....start of the new week.....and it wasnt a good start at all....

after a pretty flat out weekend, i came back to work, looking forward and positively to work, but then everything just fell apart again....had heaps of issues this month and we had so many issues ever since i joined....man, and i am not liking a single bit of it....for the rest of the week, i might drag myself to work.....sad....

anyway, the weekend was good....went down to auburn to ask about my phone and SIM card and got myself a new sim card to use on my new phone....i got it connected tonight and having fun with it hohoho....and then we went to Mega Mall, instead of Mega Mart, which was across the road...and found myself a bookcase which i should be able to go and buy this thursday night....hopefully....we then watched elizabethtown that night....gee....Kirsten Dunst looked pretty all right....and Orlando Bloom? hmmm....no comment....the movie was kinda pretty funny overall...my girl seem to like it...

sunday night was kinda normal...had our game of vball and then watched tvbj eating KFC....one more week before the semis so it's getting serious out there....

well, work today was shocking....i was heaps tired going to work and then things keep screwing up and that's the story really....didnt have lunch until around 3.....man, am i really incompetent? is this the right job for me? i dont know......very confused at the moment....got this christmas party in fortnight's time...havent accepted it yet....so probably i might not go...but then....it's politics...i feel that i need to go....just for the job....

my bb finishes prac this week!!! joy joy!!! and then she should graduate no probs.....she had her interview with DoCS and i think she killed it...but then she wont know until December, so that's a bit of a wait....

all right, it's getting late....i better go sleep now.....before my girl get's upset at me going to bed late.....and the stupid phone doesnt let me send all contacts via infrared at once....had to do it one at a time....that suck...i am up to letter "S".....

2005-10-30T14:09:00.000+11:00

hmmm.....it's monthend!!!! nooooooo!!!!! this suck....it's like when the last monthend finished not long ago and this one is coming up.....so not looking forward to this week..... the last week was pretty interesting......work was kinda out of the ordinary.....had like three days of work and then on thursday, we had this community day....we went to this disability centre at beverly hills and just did a bit of painting.....and most of us were not really experienced in it so it turned out to be the walls just having patches of paint everywhere.....had sausage sizzle for lunch and that was soooo yummy....but we paid 10 dollars for that....well, i took it as a donation anyway, except u cant claim tax deduction on it hahaha....we finished by around 3 and got home at around 4ish and on the way, had a nose bleed too!!!! bloody nose..... and then friday was a bit of a bum as it's almost weekend....ppl are just not motivated to work that hard, and that happens in almost every workplace....and a few ppl were sick too!!! so what a week....

Melbourne Cup is coming up this week....and while a lot of the ppl are celebrating it by having lunch at some classy place, my dept had to kinda stay cos that's like a really busy day and in fact it's a busy week too!!! so yeah, not fair....

Yesterday, me and my babe went to fish markets to have fish....no, seafood.....we had like a mini seafood platter, along with some seaweeds (i think) and some sashimi......it was very filling at the time when we ate it, but when we got back to the ct, we were kinda hungry again and went for desserts at passionflower.....and we ate our very favourite waffles!!! we then took photos, and then tried out K-Square....sound proof was shit, but we get free drinks....but before that, we were bumming around market city and we found this poster with this guy wearing the same shirt as i did on the day and my babe was silly enough to make me stand next to the poster and take a photo....and then there was like 1000 ppl walking by and saw me....gee i look stupid.... We later went back to dinner at HK and just bummed at her place after that....upload pics on my friendster....and the day just went by like that....

Tonight is a game that i really look forward to since last week.....playing the team who beat us in the finals last season....interesting game....

Anyway, running out of time......hungry and needed food....

2005-10-23T13:41:00.000+10:00

hmmm......had a pretty ordinary weekend this week.....not much happening at all....just did a bit of window shopping, and still trying to find a bookcase for myself....

got a mobile phone last week along with my girl's.....and for the whole week, i havent really touched it apart from taking it out and charge it....and really dont want to peel the stickers off as they indicate how new the phone is....anyway, the naive me....

my girl's been trying to get these Keds shoes....haha....we asked all over sydney for them and it appears they were sold out in no time....man, we went to bondi specially for that.....we went on monday (took one of my time in lieus) and went down to bondi to find the shoes, only to realise that my girl called up the day before to hold the shoes was actually at bondi beach instead of junction.....how sad....i was pushing her to go down there and get it but it didnt work....she was just too lazy....hahaha.....

anyway, work has been a bit of a mix up of late.....good times and bad times....but yeah, dont want to go into it.....

my girl was so nice....she actually went to book the tix for the World Cup Qualifiers on Wednesday (as she had the Ticketek log in)....and we got our seats for the big game!!!! just hope Australia doesnt concede too many goals in the first game at Montevideo.....

been wandering around Kinkouniya after work lately.....wanting to buy a book, which is kinda for work....but for my personal development too!! but it's kinda expensive although there's like a 20% off....and it's tax deductible....but yeah, the book is not in too good a condition, and they do go outdated very quickly....so i dont know.....

Is PSP really that good? it seems like so many ppl are after it.....i dunno, i like the idea of doing so many things in this one little machine, but i guess when u want to watch dvds, u would get like a portable dvd player.....u play games but really how much time do u spend on playing games while you're not at home? anyway, although it is kinda appealing, i just dont find it too useful.....

On friday night, my girl went to iceskating and i just stayed at home watching league....how interesting!!! a nice way to spend some time at home....after a day of hard work....haha....

We went to chats yesterday and kinda bummed......aimlessly.....so talking was pretty much the more interesting part of the day's activities.....we were talking about laptops and how we're going to get them soon.....well, i want to get it soon.....if i do get it i will almost definitely get a USB TV Tuner so that i can watch TV on it.....apparently....that's gonna be cool.....but yeah, gotta save up and that takes ages....

Congratulations to my girl who scored an interview with DoCS!!! well done dude....great job.....and good luck.....u got heaps of studying to do this time....hopefully all goes well for u.....poor girl, had to wait for so long after she lodged her application to get the phone call.....she was heaps paranoid about it too....hahaha.....well, your essay paid off!!!!

Volleyball tonight....should be an easy game.....so not much to talk about...but tvbj tonight might be able to make up for it....last night, i was watching the ding ding and that guy who imitates all the voices of the stars is just good! it's a pity to see him lose though.....

This week's gonna be interesting....got this community day on thurs where i have no idea what we will be doing.....but all i know is we have to go to beverly hills.....so yeah....i guess a day off work!!! woohoo!!!! but its nearing monthend so life starts to get tough again.....

Anyway, gotta go now.....gotta clean my room......

2005-10-17T21:38:00.000+10:00

sigh.....my "long" weekend passed just like that....not fair.....but then it's a pretty cool weekend i had....

on saturday, me and my girl went to shop for the stereo that my girl promised to get me with my gift certificate....well, things didnt start well on that day when we were scheduled to meet at 11:30 at hornsby but because i went to see a doc that morning (i shouldve done that on friday but stupid clinic closed at 5:45 instead of 6 as shown) and then i was referred to a physio, i had to turn up late......been having strong back pain of late.....so it was kinda bad.....and after a 30 minute therapy, i felt better but still a little stiff and also the pain is still around....

anyway, i got to hornsby at 1230 in which my girl was pissed ass already as expected....and yes, i am in pissy mood whenever shes in that mood too!!!so we didnt talk and had lunch at asagao and i had one of the best ever beef teriyaki there....well, worth the wait anyway, cos they forgot to make it for me.....and the waitress was full on saying sorry for like 20 times......after a nice lunch we went on our expedition to find my stereo.....we went to target, kmart, and all those electronic stores.....and finally found one at kmart which i liked.....it had a USB port in it too so i can plug my mp3 player into the hifi and play the music with those speakers.....woooohoooo!!!!! we had dinner at the usual place that night and then we watched the 40 year old virgin at castle hill.....pretty funny, but i felt the movie went for a little too long.....got a lil bored after like one hour.....but then, it's worth watching though....and also we get free papers too which is really cool....so that my dad can read it on sunday....

On sunday, i wasted the whole day playing PS2.....yeah, boring.....and was meant to go look for some books at mac cen but didnt have time.....later that night, we had our usual vball game.....we played with 5.....no, 4 and a half cos i had the bad back.....and for the first time, i played setter for the whole game and it was bloody cool!!!! man, it was really nice getting some good sets....and some shocking ones too....

Today, we went to bondi to look for my bb's shoes that she fell in love with 2 days ago....and stupid bb, had the shoes on hold at bondi beach not bondi junction and we were just too lazy to go and get it as it's not close to station....after that, we went to auburn to get our phones.....and yes, i got my new phone...and so did she.....wonder if she's playing with it now???

Tonight i watched millionaire and finally someone won the million dollars after 6 years.....kinda excited....but yeah i'm all calmed down now.....

Work tomorrow, and before i know it it's gooing to be monthend soon....that suck....it's gonna be hell when this monthend comes along......grrrr.....

Anyway, i better stop here......gotta go sleep.....

2005-10-07T22:57:00.000+10:00

another working week gone....tough days these ones.....and very tiring ones too.....been having really bad mid week but today was good.....this morning i went to work feeling very down but then i bumped into Edwin at town hall station and that kinda brighten up the day a little bit.....havent seen him for a long time!!! ever since i started working in the city, i was feeling quite lonely.....so it was nice to see ppl again....

looking forward to the weekend......get to relax.....and apparently, i will be getting my own stereo!!! how cool~!!!! but then, i think a tv would be better!!! hehe......and then i might be getting a new bookcase!!! man so many new things i am getting......and also a new phone.....well, maybe.....i might hold it till later....dunno.....

got vball on sunday.....man, this season has been quite bad so far.....not playing very well.....so all goes well la.....

now that i am dead tired, i shall go sleep.....unfortunately, this is a really short blog.....

2005-08-21T09:52:00.000+10:00

well, finally a week has passed....my first week hasnt been as smooth as i would have liked, but it's still ok......learning heaps....completely new environment......gee.....just from the first week, i can see that i could either enjoy it very much in the future or i just totally hate it and have to drag myself to work everyday......

took me like a whole full week to get my external email setup so that was kinda gay.....had no internet access......did not understand the stuff they were doing......so i just sat there for the week doing jack.....well, just reading my materials and that's it.....had no access to the system there as well......so all i had access to was the intranet website and the company website......how gay.....but then i still managed to go through the week.....

dont know what's coming up next week, and i guess that's the part where i like GG more because i can basically see what's coming next week and plan my way through work.....but here, it's kinda different......it's less procedure type work environment.....so who knows what i will do?

the whole week i had been eating out and it was also my first time to try the Lindt hot chocolate and it was really really good......and i promised my baby to bring her there cos she's a big fan of lindt....and yes, it is a little bit inaccessible for her, but maybe might take her there one weekend....

the weekend has passed so quickly....first, there was dinner on fri night with my girl's CC ppl.....didnt have much to say to them, but i got Fox to keep me entertained haha.....since that's the only channel where they have soccer these days.....no free to air EPL......gay......then we went to Jim's 21st and just watched him how he overcooked all the food in the barbeque......and smelled like coal when i got home....anyway.....the next day we went to bankstown hospital to find Tina, but my silly girl didnt know that she left the day before.....so we drove to Tina's instead and visited her.....haha.....as expected, my baby just got there, said hello to Tina and then shifted her focus to the baby......and started taking so many photos with flash from her camera....man, that's overexposure to flash for the baby......anyway, i think my babe said how she's so cute for like 20 times during that visit....and meanwhile, i was kinda scared at holding a baby.....haha......dont ask me why......

after that.....we went to eat pho (pronounced fur) and i gobbled up a beef noodle soup in like 5 minutes or sth.....my girl was surprised at the rate i was eating.....while i waited for her to finish, i played sudoku, a game which i got my girl addicted into......and didnt finish that puzzle until 4 hours later haha.....

we then left for rhodes and amazingly, we found out that my bro was there aroudn the same time too...but we didnt bump into them.....we kinda walked around and visited IKEA which was mega huge ass......if there wasnt a dircetory in the store, i would have got lost......apart from that, nothing much to see and we basically took an hour and a half walking thru the whole center.....with the remaining time that i have for parking, we decided to look at the new apartments hehe.....just sth i always liked looking at, just as an interest......and found out that the floor plans are pretty crap...... not really value for money.....

after that we went to have ice chocolate at GJs, and I continued to finish off my sudoku hehe.....we left at around almost 6 and went to Black Stumps for dinner.....nice steak.....nice chips.....nice calamari...nice sauce......but i think my babe got food poisoning after that.....our dinner was kinda short and quite rushed as i have to drop her home and then go pick up my dad from the airport......and after that, i was pretty tired ass....

today is a busy day......packing things, and reading up for work.....and there's final on tonight.....good game tonight, and hopefully we win......suposed to play tennis with rocky and kakman today.....but dont think i have time anyway....

things are really pushing me at the moment....seem to have no time to do everything i want.....but i will do my best.....

2005-08-14T16:08:00.000+10:00

finally signed off at G & G.....it has been a roller coaster ride for me.....but i came out learning heaps and heaps and heaps and i am kinda relieved....having said that, i still stayed back till 7 on friday night when i am not even officially an employee for the company.

anyway, looking forward to the next challenge, and that itself is heaps exciting, but very very concerned at my preparation for the new role. Read as much as i possibly can.....learning every bit as i can possibly can, so all i hope is i can fit in well.....

meanwhile, me and my babe had our belated celebrations for 3 years yesterday.....we went on lunch cruise and the food was very filling...and i fell sick from drinking all these cocktails, and the silly thing was that the clubman tasted very yummy, but it did have a bit of alcohol in it, and some baileys i think, and knowing me didnt really pick that up, i almost skulled it and then i fell ill....and then there was the sun beaming at me, and choppy sea had me a little seasick.....but luckily my girl got me some panadol and i felt better a little later on.....

after the lunch, we walked all the way down to pitt st mall to do a bit of window shopping and also she went with me to kinokuniya to buy books.....hehe.....it's been a while since she went shopping with me.....most of the time it's the other way around.....muhahaha.....

we also bought the papers as my babe was interested in looking at the careers section, and meanwhile i tried hard in finding a sudoku puzzle to do.....man, i got her hooked onto that thing, and so many other ppl are hooked onto it too......

we then went to have dinner in which we didnt really have the appetite to eat much, and after that we went for photos and then it's concert time with Leo!!! it was heaps good concert, very show biz type concert......but it was really nice.....he had a really nice strong voice and the songs were great too.....haha......got a feeling that some of the crowd were struggling to figure out his older songs......but then whoever got his concert vcd/dvd would know the songs.....

anyway, the concert lasted till 11:15 and we went straight home after that......

today was a bludgy day.....just stayed in front of the comp writing emails back to GG and prepare for tmr.....and that's how the day was spent......now that i am really stuck for time, i really have to go now.....vball tonight......semis......hope we win.....last time we played them we thought we could win, but we lost out big time.....hope we can make amends this time......

finally, just like to say thank you and all the best to the ppl at GG. I know some of them are really struggling at the moment, hope it all works out well later on......certainly keep in touch with you guys.....

and of course, I love my bb and happy 3 yrs!!!!!

2005-07-31T17:45:00.000+10:00

hmmm......it's blogger time and yes, it's like 3 weeks since my last one....been really hectic....

life is going smoothly i guess.....work has been so and so, family's happy, my girl has been behaving nicely.....so all is good....well, soon it will be hectic....

it's pretty much official that i am in a transitional period from work.....handed in my resignation letter a few weeks ago and from then i kinda slacked off from work....but the weird thing though is that an email has not been sent throughout the company but everyone just seem to know.....anyway, company gossips....happens everywhere.....everybody kept asking me where i am going, and what i do.....well, i dont know what i do but i know where i am going....and really looking forward to it too! lots of new things to learn, well, at least, the computer applications side....and gotta refresh my memory back to those uni days.....what i have learnt and stuff.....hmm....damn....

anyway, with two weeks left at GG, i pretty much had to work my ass off....well, had to work a lot more than i wanted to.....cos heaps is happening....presentation on thurs and had to do that....and the preparation for that is just eating up so much of my time....so what i had to do now is to go home and read as much as i can with regards to the new post.....and i can tell you it's really really interesting....gosh i am just excited.....

as with the amount of sick leave that i have, gee....what a waste.....i got like 18 days left.....and ppl have asked me to transfer them to their accounts....hahaha.....as if that could possibly happen.....gee....18 days....basically, i can just take the remaining days off without getting cut into my pay.....and yes, my parents and my girl had one comment: "Gee, you should have just taken them (consistently) ages ago!!! What a waste!!!"

well, i dunno.....i guess there are always pros and cons.....if i take them, i can fully prepare for my new job.....but increase chance of slacking off too.....if i dont take them, i wont have time to prepare, and after all, you're leaving this current job.....and you also had to work your ass off too.... anyway, me personally would like to work as much as possible, cos that keeps me going, keeps my brain functioning constantly.....but given the situation now, i dont think i have enough time off as i would have liked to prepare for my new job.....so i am kinda pissed!!!

me and my girl went to chats yesterday and i took her to the Don Cafe for lunch.....man, the beef yakiniku don was really nice......the beef was cooked just right.....but i guess it's not really value for money.....anyway.....after that we went boost and just window shopped.....my girl got pissed at me for not making decisions quickly and do things that i need to do straight away....so it was kinda war time during that time we spent together....

we also bought Krispy Kreme from the new Chats store.....stupid ppl......not 4 packs to buy....only dozen.....and then we went on our expedition to find the sticky store which was newly opened at chats too.....and gosh, they had no business....maybe it was new and no one knew and it is located at a rather isolated area.....anyway, for those who wants to know where it is, it's shop 351B, opposite Dymocks and next to the Canterbury store....anyway, my girl got pissed at me again for not playing paper scissors rock with the girl, cos if i win, i get some lolly stuff....anyway, silly idea.....not going in to buy their food, but instead trying to scab some freebies.....ppl like her would make businesses go broke....hahahaha.....jk....dun be pissed....

at night we went to black stump for din as we are short in $$ so decided to take advantage of the 2 for 1 offer....and my god, the dinner was the best that they have ever made there.....everytime i go there it's like either they get the food wrong or they make us wait so long for the food and then it was not tasty.....or even a combo of the two.....

after that i went to bum at her place and watched spanglish.....and also did a bit of typing test....i was faster than her, but she was more accurate......gee, maybe i should learn her style of typing by one finger.....it might work out better than what i am doing now.....

as for today, did nothng much apart from going to the temple at ashfield.....then had lunch and hair cut and now i am sitting here waiting for my girl to come online......in which she didnt......so just being a nige atm......

gotta go to vball soon....should win......but nothing is certain.....

and still waiting for my bb.....

actually, might go dinner first....

and still waiting.......

2005-07-10T15:26:00.000+10:00

Happy Happy 35 months BB!!!!! bet you couldnt remember how many months.....huh!!! hope you had a good day....and must be mucking around with Lily at this time at Myer.....i guess we kinda made up with the celebrations yesterday.....i had a great day la....dunno if u feel the same....

yesterday we went shopping at towers....and i got her a mini jacket that my babe wanted for so long but was never on sale and when it went on sale, i got it for her....along with this bracelet from Diva...we had some crepes and omelette and some wedges for lunch and it was really really yummy......after that we played some pool and then had dinner and then we watched Bewitched...which was not a bad movie to watch.....pretty funny.....after that we went home to watch volleyball.....what a cool game, and didnt really want to leave but it was getting a little late as the game continued so i couldnt finish watching it and went home....but my bb was smart.....she taped it and i'm gonna get it today.....and today i am gonna give her a little surprise..... and when i mean little, i mean little.....something which she should like.....but not something which can be kept as memorabilia....

tonight we're gonna play volleyball again, which i am kinda looking forward to every week....cos i get to do something i like to do and my bb is also with me too.....maybe a good game, cos this team does have potential....

the past week has been somewhat interesting.....new ppl joined our team and i dunno, somehow i dun really really like them.... well just dun feel as if i can get along with them well....anyway, i was involved in training one of the guys and kinda killed my time a little bit....but it's ok....i kinda got through it with not much dramas....

meanwhile, i also had my 2nd round interview with Westpac, a role which i applied for.....which was really interesting....i was heaps scared at this round of interview, because i wasnt told how many ppl would be in the interview and whether they are the same ppl.....and also the type of questions i would be asked.....and also i was given really little time to prepare, so i was kinda giving up hope in the first place...but in the end i pulled through ok well, although i really couldnt figure out what i said in the interview.....i probably said some things which could harm my chances of going through, so at the moment i am a little worried...and also the reference checks....i dont think i have really good referees but hope that goes well, if they are happy with what i provided in the interview.....i also found out about the ppl in that team, one guy plays volleyball and another guy is used to be my tutor i suspect, so.....hmmmm.....interesting.....and i thought my chances were pretty much gone when they asked me a lateral thinking question about manholes or something, and i got stumped.....haha....pretty funny, i screwed up the first question in the first interview and i stuffed up the last question in the second interview.....anyway, i wont know the results until next week.....but the feedback i got so far was that i was less nervous in this interview, which i kinda took it as a compliment.....i was also surprised that i passed my psycho tests too!!! how weird is that???

i gotta say thank you to my bb, for calming my nerves down on thursday arvo.....i was heaps stressed cos i had no time to prepare for the interview and i couldnt concentrate on my work and couldnt eat as well.....i had to thank my babe for not pissing me off by replying to my message saying she was having some really nice lunch at that time.....gosh, i am excited.....really want to know what the result is.....although i know there is no certain chance as competition is tough....so yeah!!! looking forward to it.....

today has been freezing.....very windy and cloudy and also raining at times.....so i better stay home....had lots to do at home too......like my desk is a mess and really have to clean up big time....and i have to pick up my lazy ass to do this.....i guess i have to go and do it now before i go to volleyball....

Love you heaps bb!!! Me dun like when u are upset.....by the way, did i look good yesterday?

2005-06-26T15:50:00.000+10:00

finally got a chance to write.....and thanks bb for logging into my blog and put an entry into it.....and yes, u lied....u lied how u said everything was all messy and all over the place......my (__).....hehehe......

anyway, life has been travelling along quite normally......work.....gf......family......yes.....and they take turns in pissing me off....

well, i guess i have to congratulate my bb for finishing her exams for this semester....it has been a long and tough and very hectic half a year and somehow she pulled it off....good job bb......and because of that, i rewarded her efforts by taking her out to dinner at Kobe Jones.....(well, she drove actually)....and i think she absolutely loved it too!!!!

spending time with her is absolutely a wonderful thing to do......except when she kinda gets upset or angry over some stupid issues......and then we kinda dun talk.......which reminded me of what we saw yesterday at CQ, where a couple were fighting too.....and the girl walked hastily away and the guy simply followed......hmmm......interesting......bb thinks the guy should chase up and wrap around her and say sorry and do things to "tum" her.....but, what if it was actually the girl's fault in the guy's point of view and he got a little upset, which in turn got the girl upset in some way because she was not aware of what she did to upset him? should the guy still chase up and "tum" her for a fault which was caused by her? anyway, hope no one's confused here.....as i am starting to get a little confused now....

got vball tonight......against club veg......should be a good game....last week we had a good win.....good team effort.....kinda let M know....and then somehow he kinda criticised me for doing too many suspicious tips where it looked like a carry......i actually sat in front of the computer thinking where the hell did he get that idea from? and then yes, i thought of one instance where there was a bit of controversy over it..... but then, seriously, i think he probably does it a lot more than me....not only that his sets are debatable sometimes.......sometimes a bit of double touch or two hit or whatever......

anyway.......when i think about work, it's something which i am kinda wary about......last friday, one of our team leaders left....which leaves only one and that's A.....and that's gonna be a huge responsibility....... hired two new ppl.....but taking time to train them would take ages..... what's even more depressing is W will leave soon too!!! yes, she's the girl with the biggest laugh in the whole department......and yes, she is pretty much the most bubbliest person in our team too!!! so that's even more tragic.....meanwhile, i am kinda hunting for a new challenge too....and really hope i could possibly go somewhere else and learn something new.....so there is quite an unstability around me at the moment.....man, W's intended departure gave A an instant heart attack.....really gotta feel sorry for A.....over so many years, A has worked with so many ppl....and they all come and go.....never really get to establish a group of colleagues where she could really work happily with for a very long time......and really, it wasnt her fault at all.....guess i am saying these things too early.....who knows? dun wanna jinx myself.....

this coming week will be interesting......going to be hectic as well.......only time will tell

hey BB (_|_)... SURPRISE!

2005-06-21T15:01:00.000+10:00

hey dude... how r yooo? just wanna say i miss you and i lurve yooo...

why dun u blog? i hav nth to read!!! i'm so bored.. i hate studying... come pick me up and take me somewhere far far away okies? waiting for you... *mua mua*

Lurve ur lo por jai xxx

2005-03-05T21:56:00.000+11:00

Well, long time no write.... had been finding time to write but wasnt able to.... now that i have a bit of time, i guess i just want to update on some things.....

Life has been just the same as always..... just work and girlfriend and vball.... havent really been keeping in touch with anybody except for my gf.... so i should really talk about these three things...

Work..... sad as usual.... everyone was taking turns to go on holz... so had been busy ass throughout the summer..... been copping a lot too because of the overload in work and couldnt do my own job properly....and the publisher client is not happy.... i even heard some newsagent was so upset with their supplies of New Idea for one week that he expressed his anger over the net.... when i heard it i freaked out heaps.... but then it's life.... you get them every now and then.... while some are on holz, there were a couple of guys leaving as well.... and ever since then, other ppl started leaving... we keep getting emails at work with msgs like: "it is of great sadness that (name) has tendered his/her resignation. His/her last day will be blah blah blah..." so then we had new ppl coming in and just like when i first worked there, i knew jack shit..... so it was kinda tough to look after them and at the same time overloading ourselves with work.... whats more demoralising is the resignation of probably the most experienced and capable person in our company and this makes things a lot tougher for the days ahead.... and also an account manager's resigned and my account manager's assistant resigned too.....aiyayaya...... gonna be so understaffed.... so if anyone wants to work, let me know or sth..... hahaha.....but i dont think you will like it.....

There was one week when my team leader was on holidays and everything just came at once and i was totally stressed to the max....i pulled through that week but by then i said to myself that i had enough....so i wrote a letter of resignation.... and after consultation with sandy, she thinks that i was too impulsive..... well, i dont know.... not long after that, i had my annual leave, and went to gold coast....and came back last week but i took an extra week off to really think about my future....yes, i kept applying for jobs and hoping to fit in an interview this week, but it didnt work out.... so the waiting game continues.....cant imagine what will happen when i go back to work on monday.....firstly, overflowing of emails, and secondly, the fear of more staff resigning....

Next thing to talk about is Sandy.....well, we were really just the same as before..... had good times and bad times..... but recently, it had been all good..... cos we went to Surfers for a week, and here's just a briefing of what happened:

Day 1: Picked her up at 6am in the morning and went to airport... had breaky there and then the first funny thing came up.... she couldnt spell "Seinfeld" despite thinking that she was 100% correct. Arrived at Surfers at around 9......went to Carrara markets and bought some stuff before checking in....the hotel was heaps good....21st level out of 22 floor building....air conditioned and fully serviced.... trust me, you need air conditioning at surfers..... and its Concorde Hotel by the way.... had lunch at Billy Baxter's and dinner at Seafood Mania with Mike and Amy who were there at the same time.... drank a bit of chardonnay and felt a little drunk.... went to Mike's apartment after dinner for a bit of card games..... and not fair, they had free pay TV to watch....

Day 2: Went to movieworld.....had heaps of fun but tiring..... took heaps of photos and bought some stuffed toys for Sandy.....Baby Sylvester and Little Marvin the Martian.....had dinner at Pizza Hut that night...ate the Works....it's almost extinct in Sydney.....

Day 3: Went to dreamworld..... the rides were scary..... lucky i didnt went on the tower of terror and the theme parks equivalent but bigger version of Wonderland's Space Probe....Wipeout was scary....didnt go on the claw for some reason..... anyway, bought another stuffed toy for Sandy.... Blue from Blue's Clues.... a really cute blue pup.... i used to watch so i know how cute that pup is..... that night we went to eat jap.....a real rip off but was really yummy.....

Day 4: Went to Pacific Fair.....pretty much like a Warringah mall..... but bigger and more confusing..... just did a lil shopping..... and after that we went to Jupiters Casino..... Mike taught us how to play pokies but didnt get it..... so i went to play the spinning wheel thing and lost $50....pissed but went to dinner at Spinner's Restaurant at the casino..... pretty nice there.....

Day 5: Went to HarbourTown Retail Factory Outlet and did some shopping..... i got a pair of shorts while sandy kept getting tops..... that night we met up with Mike and Amy and went to Four Winds Revolving Restaurant at the top of Crowne Plaza Hotel..... gotta admit that was the best dinner i had for a very long time....it was really nice and comfy there.....food was pretty good.... the view was MAD..... and it was clean......and i was seafood buffet too.....

Day 6: Went to SeaWorld.....watched dolphins, seals and 4D documentaries....went on rides.....quite nice......bit overpriced though but it was quite relaxing.....that night, me and sandy went to Courtyard Marriott for another seafood buffet dinner......food was ok and overall was an ok dinner......

Day 7: Bummed around Cavill Avenue and did a bit of last minute shopping.....had lunch at Pizza Hut again.....gonna miss the Works...... we caught a plane back to Syd that night.....

Overall, a pretty good holiday, as i needed it bad....and same with Sandy......

Before I keep writing a very long entry, i probably wanted to talk about the last thing, vball..... kinda had some issues with the team..... we're just not too committed to the comp.....hardly had a full team playing.....but despite that we managed to make the semis which is happening tomorrow.....and we only have 4 players!!!! so it would take a miracle for us to win tomorrow....anyway, good luck to us la!!!!!

Watched Hitch today.....pretty good movie but was marred with some issues Sandy had with me.....anyway, looking forward to tomorrow.....parents are back from HK..... and i should get my first every MP3 player.....how exciting!!!!!

2004-11-21T22:22:00.000+11:00

Another week has passed.....a pretty routine week as usual.....work is shit as usual and weekends provide so much of a relief from work....if the world didnt have a thing called the weekends, then life would be really shit.... i know, i have always been complaining....every blog entry i write is sad....and that's what i wanted it to be.....because life is sad itself.....and sorry for whinging a lot....i just didnt want to let it out in front of anybody, and so i decided to choose blog as the place to do this.....that way, other people will not see me in a pissy mood...and to be honest, when i am pissed, i can be quite unbearable.....

Anyway, the good thing that happened this week was that the admin workshop that i was supposed to have with the publishers on thursday was postponed.....the bad news is that it's postponed to this wednesday....man, so not looking forward to it.....otherwise, work was busy as usual (or maybe i am just still too slow) and it's just the start as Xmas is coming up soon.....a very busy period for me, i heard.....

On friday night, i went dinner with my colleagues because my team leader won trifecta for the Melbourne Cup and she decided to treat everybody to a dinner.....so we went to chats for that and we took almost an hour trying to decide what we wanted to eat....and after dinner, we went to the monkey bar for a few drinks.....and it was kinda funny cos we all just sat there and didnt really wanted to do anything....we got to a relatively slow start before we started kinda talking 10 minutes after we sat down.....so what did we do in those 10 minutes? nothing.....just listening to the music.....anyway, things started to warm up as i was challenged to have an arm wrestle with my colleagues....and of course, i won....haha.....for those who dont really know me, i am super skinny shit.....kinda underweight, with Body Mass Index at a shocking level.....yet i still have a 6 pack, hidden somewhere in my tummy.....after arm wrestling, we tried to play "park" 7..... and that was kinda funny too cos most of us were learners and kept losing....anyway, the night went on but most of us were tired and we left at around 11pm.....by then, i knew i was in deep trouble with sandy, so i called her that night, in the hope of making things up....

On saturday, i went to have breaky with mum and dad before i caught a train to penno to meet up with my girl.....she was driving crazy and when i was aware of that, i knew she was in some kind of a shitty mood....so i just sat in her car and didnt dare to speak....we went to towers that day to do a little bit of shopping before we ate a child size lasagna and a bacon and cheese melt along with two iced chocolates for lunch.....after that we went to watch bridget jones's diary 2.....a very funny movie indeed, although i didnt watch the first one.....after that, we went for air hockey, and yes, my losing streak continues and i lost my count....we then went for some bball and then went to sandy's home to bum around.....later that night, we went to Kylie's bday party and to be quite honest, her family should be awarded with a hospitality award because they cooked a lot of really nice food.....anyway, the sad thing was that because sandy had to go home early, we missed the cake.....

Today was kinda bummy.....woke up at around 11 and watched a bit of cricket before going out to lunch.....had nothing at yum cha so my family went to eastwood for more food.....by the time i got home i had to get changed and leave for vball because we had an early game tonight.....we played against dong's team and we won, which was good.....but now i feel that i am getting worse and worse every week i play, which is a bit of a worry.....

Finally, looking towards the new week, and already cant wait for the weekends.....if i have a shitty week, then things will start going through my mind again....i dunno, it's always been the case ever since i started work......i just keep criticising myself everytime when something is wrong....maybe i just couldnt live up to the standard that i set for myself....

2004-11-14T17:55:00.000+11:00

Life is hell these days.....never really find happiness in the things that i do these days...and i am kinda lost in terms of what things i do to make me happy....lots have been happening at work and really i dont know where to start.....i guess tuesday was a very shitty day for me.....this lady from our client publisher had to question what i did with my work and really full on going off at me.....man, she had to call me on the busiest day of the week, asking all this shit which took me ages and holding up my work....she came to me with an email saying what i did was not right and told me to check on all these agents.....40 odd agents, and saying why they were oversupplied with stock....now, mind you, she is like a really bossy lady and expects things to be done quick fast, so i had to drop down everything and quickly deal with her email.....and i answered her back.....and then she came back with what i thought in the first instance as a very insulting email, telling me that my response was disappointing and she copied the email to almost everybody involved in this matter....so by then i was in deep shit.....and very scared.....luckily, my manager dealt with it and i didnt really get spanked for it, but now, noticing that my work is under surveillance, i have to be really careful with my work....after further investigation into the issue, i found that there will be problems....and really, i dont know how to solve them....

Anyway, with that day gone the rest of the week i was not in much of a mood to work....and with the system slowing down and actually not moving, i am under more stress in meeting my deadlines....you see, by just saying that the system was down and that i cannot give things that the clients wanted is not an excuse...the work is still there, and it still needs to be done.....but at a heaps less time.....and that's where all the stress is coming from....i wont dare think what will happen this coming week....but all i hope is for the system to run fast.....otherwise i dont think i will make it through Xmas....i think i would go insane by then.....anyway, what's coming up is even more fascinating.....there's this admin workshop on thursday with our clients and of course i am scared shitless about this.....cos i dont know enough to actually contribute to this.....and at the same time, i might even face some scrutiny too.....crap.....so yeah....

Away from work, the week wasnt really good with my gf too....on tuesday night, i said to her that i cant spend saturday with her because i had to take dad to the dentist and also going to house hunting with them....obviously, she was upset, and another "cold war" started since then....we didnt talk for two nights and one of them happened to be our 27 months..... but anyway, i guess she was right to be upset, knowing that this is the only day of the week where we can spend together.....but later when i read on her blog, i was quite disappointed at what she wrote, saying that she's not on top of my priorities.....my initial reaction was "f#%$!!!"....sometimes i really dont know.....is it that i dont express myself clearly or the fact that she didnt feel that way and that she probably expected more from me.....anyway, on friday i decided to msg her at work asking her out.....so we went out on saturday......and we kinda enjoyed it too....so everything got better....for the time being....

Today, i spent the day trying to relax, but knowing what's coming up, i just could not see how i can peacefully go through next week.....

Last night, when i bumped into Darren at HK, he asked me "do you have a proper job now?" and i answered "no", mainly because of the fact that it is not the industry in which i should be working in..... that question had me thinking again......why am i in this position now? that is, why am i working in an industry in which i should not belong to? well, i guess the answer is always there.....i have no choice....and again i think this is an obstacle which i have to go through....it should be good for me.....but knowing that i am struggling at work, i cant imagine how i can survive in the finance industry if i am given the chance.....so thinking about this makes me very depressed at times.....because i dont know where my future lies, i dont know whether i have the ability to achieve what i want to achieve....the future looks bleak.....and time is short.....time is always my enemy.....never have the time to do everything i want to do......

Well, on that note, just want to end here as i have to go vball soon.....as with that lady who kinda insulted me, man, i just hope there is one day when i can get back at her.....

2004-11-07T14:44:00.000+11:00

Damn......missed last weeks blog....but it's ok....nothing really big happened.....pretty normal actually....the only which kinda changed is that work is getting better and the weekend wasn't as good as i wanted to be....and that's because i spent saturday at the dentist instead with sandy.....and the dentist really pissed me off big time too....first i booked in an appointment at 11am, but that idiot was late and i didnt get my turn until 12....so i was really pissed...and what happened after that hurt me in some way....everytime i go to this dentist (which is at bankstown), he just keeps asking me what i study and stuff like that.... and as i dont study anymore, he asks me what type of work that i do.....and i said an analyst but not in a financial industry....and keeps asking me why not and also asked me a knowledge question like why did WMC (Western Mining Corp.) went up by 30% or some shit like that.....and by then i was just too annoyed to bother answering him.....and i nearly said "can you just hurry up?" Anyway, cos everytime he is late so i always get delayed and i just hate that.....like late as in around an hour late.....that's horrible....so the whole day i was in shitty mood.....

anyway, i think i should just forget about last weekend.....this week at work is quite enjoyable too...because basically i did all my work (for the first time hahaa....) and on tuesday, it was very bumming atmosphere as everybody focussed on Melbourne Cup instead of work.....the whole comp became gamblers and just gambled.....meanwhile, our department had our own little gamble and we placed a $30 bet on a quinella, for horses Makybe Diva, Vinnie Roe and Winning Belle.....sth like that....and in the end, we won $47 dollars and after splitting it up, that ends up to be $1.70 each....hahaha......so that was that.....but it was an enjoyable day as no one cared about work....well, because of this wednesday was busy ass.....had to rush my work......and that was bad....my head was dizzy too.....anyway, i pulled through ok in the end.....the rest of the week was pretty good, with yum cha on fri for lunch with the whole department....hehe.....and it was kinda funny too, with this honky guy trying to speak mando, which just made everybody laugh cos it was bad....hahaha....and he was sitting next to me too....but then, i admire his courage in trying to speak the language, i mean i dont have the guts to do that....and probably never will...

So after a relatively relaxed week, the weekend came and me and my bb went to chats for lunch and buy lotto and watch movie.....we had a good lunch but we didnt win lotto.....we then went to mandarin centre to watch the notebook, which was quite an emotional movie too.....i nearly cried but lucky i had my bb next to me who kept on tickling me so it took a bit of concentration off the movie....otherwise i would have cried and knowing that the whole cinema was full of teenage girls, it would have been a sorry sight for them to see me cry.....i guess the story itself was very typical or original, but the ending was what made me "emotional".....i can't imagine how miserable how life will be when i am like 70 or so years old.....and i think being in an aged care centre would be quite dull....i definitely dont want to go there when i am old....and sometimes being old can be a "burden" on your relatives.....cos they have to spend so much time to be with you so that you dont feel so lonely....anyway, dunno what i am talking about here.....

after this movie we had dinner at HK and then we went back to my place to finish off Love Battlefield, which we started watching last week.....it was a really emotional movie too.....probably more emotional than the notebook....anyway, Karen told Sandy that this movie reminds her of my bb and i spent a whole week trying to think why....initially, i thought there was this scene where the couple argued and this reminded her of Sandy, but later i found out that it was just the fact that this was the type of movie they like to watch....geeeee......

Today has been hectic.....cos i had to wash my car and that normally takes a whole morning and cant even get it clean.....anyway, now i am tired ass.....and i got vball tonight too....so i think i will get some good sleep tonight.....looking forward to tonight too.....cos it might be a competitive game.....given most of my team are injured haha.....

Well, my bro's got this holiday organised by his work comp....and went to Gold Coast for the weekend....how cool!!!! and he is due back in Sydney soon, and i have to go pick him up....so i guess i will have to leave it here....

Finally, a good friend of mine, Vinci, left for HK last night....going back there permanently to work....which is kinda sad, cos when you think that you will not see your friends in the future, it feels like that you're losing someone....but anyway, i guess she had a bit of trouble with finding a suitable job for her here and that's why she decided to go back....although i kept thinking that it was not a good decision, but at the end of the day, it's her choice and i wish her all the best la.....and of course keep in touch!!!!

2004-10-24T17:23:00.000+10:00

sigh....life has been miserable at times...and the weather didnt help either....had a pretty tough week and i didnt get home until at least 8pm from Mon-Thurs....but at least i got through it, so it's all good...for the time being....

When things happen, they all happen at once, and sometimes there is just not enough time to deal with them....Ivana called last week, wanting to get together and have dinner on Friday night...because exams are coming up soon and plus she havent seen me for ages....so she just thought of getting together that night, and it was also her bday as well (i think), so i guess it was mandatory for me to go but then my parents booked me in for dinner....and then Vinci msged me on Thursday wanting to see me as well as ever since i left uni, i havent really met with anyone and catch up....so yeah, and i guess i needed to catch up with those uni fds as well, but just never had a chance...she wanted me to come out to the ct on Saturday for the sake of setting up this other uni fd (Alice) with this guy who i dont know, and also creating a chance for us to update on what is happening to each other... and she's leaving for hk (permanently) very very soon, so i felt really really guilty for not being able to see her for the "last" time (before going back to HK)....anyway, we talked on the phone for around 30 minutes on Thursday night and because i finished late, the phone call was kinda late, and i tried to cut the convo so that i can call sandy a bit earlier (cos she sleeps early), but i still end up finishing the call at around 11:30pm...i called sandy straight after but by then she was pissed.... so i kinda got pissed as well...

Anyway, last week i said Monday would be the killer day for me, but it turned out not as bad as i first thought....but the worst day ended up being on the Wednesday, when I had to rush the invoicing for all these stupid yearly mag titles, where everything changes ten fold, and given the resources i had, i made some terrible mistakes and that led to me staying at work late and rushed everything...man, it was horrible... and basically i screwed up everything... so i am dreading for the feedback as the mags are on sale tomorrow....

Thursday was a day when i could really relax and chill a little...and same with Friday....cant remember why i stayed back on thursday...i think i was doing sth just to prepare for friday....

Saturday started off really badly as i woke up late and ended up meeting my bb late at eastwood....she was pissed and rightly so, as i didnt even say sorry....which i dont know why...maybe i just kept thinking that she wont listen to me....which i think i would be wrong....anyway, we caught a bus to parra and ate and just window shopped around and because there was nothing in particular that we were looking for, we kinda finished early....and along the way, we argued heaps about that morning, and originally i wasnt in a good mood anyway because she said that she was going to a high school fd's party that night and she wanted me to go with her, and the fact that she was really vague at the details, it kinda upsets me....and i was dumb enough to not figure out that it was a lie, and that she wanted to give me a surprise....well, i kinda worked that out in the arvo, but by then the surprise was no longer the surprise as she cried....man, it hurts me when a girl cries, especially that girl is my gf, someone who i always make her upset....anyway, that night i found out what the surprise was....smart huh? we got to olympic park and as soon as we got there i knew it was movies in the overflow....and the more surprising thing was that she actually prepared the food and everything and all the tix and etc....now it made me even more guilty for what i have done to her....as that arvo, i thought of pulling out...anyway, we enjoyed the movie cos it was Garfield, which was very funny, but we did not enjoy the mozzies as they were fully around us....and made our bodies very itchy....and it was cheap too!!!

So all in all, it was a great night....sth which surprised me definitely, but bb, next time when you lie, can use please not use "high school fd's bday party" as the lie because it does not motivate me to go because i dont really like partying with ppl who i dont really know.....Thanks dude!!! =)

Just to finish off, today is Sunday and did jack other than just submtting my tax return....so it was a relaxed day for me....there is storm now and i have vball soon so not looking forward to it....

Finally, my sincere apologies to Sha who i couldn't attend her grad party last sunday....and now she's off to cairns for holz with her mum....how lucky!!!!

2004-10-17T15:01:00.000+10:00

SSSSSShhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiitttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!! man.....dunno where to start.....but i just feel shit these days....i am gonna be dead shit tomorrow.....but i guess it all started with last week....on wednesday, i had this meeting with our clients and it sure is scary....nearly pissed my pants....not only that, it just takes the time off from my work as well, which made me fall behind....and the impact will be felt tomorrow when i return to the office....and i am just not happy at all.....cos the pressure will truly be on...i didnt really let this out to anybody, not even Sandy, cos she's going through a tough time as well.....but anyway....

There were heaps of meetings over the past few days and that meant more work and less time....Friday was bad....had to rush this mag title and then things for this coming week start coming in.... at the meeting on friday, i nearly burst into tears cos i know that i would not be able to do everything that needs to be done..... and today, just thinking about how tomorrow is coming closer and closer just makes me feel sick....cant really eat anything and almost cried at the restaurant where i was having lunch.... man, this is bad.... i fear for tomorrow....i dunno what i can do other than just face it....i dun think i can handle it anymore.....i mean most of the time i had to stay back until 7 or 8 just to do my work....(if not waiting for my bro to finish work as well), and last friday was bad.....i mean on a friday night, you just cant work until 8....but i somehow did.....and i had no car so i had to catch a bus...and i missed the bus to chats so i had to catch another bus to forest way and then hope for a transfer to a private company bus to chats....and then change again to get to eastwood......and lucky the transfers went ok....but i still got home at around 9pm....man, this is just not on....

Anyway, that's the past.....gotta think about tomorrow....what can i possibly do? All i know is that i am gonna die.....big time.....man....dunno whether i can make it to Xmas....cos if this is just the beginning of the busy period, then i surely wont be home to sleep as we come closer to Xmas... Xmas is a time where we're supposed to enjoy and celebrate, but i know i wont.....it will be the shittiest of all Xmas i have had.....i dunno.....i am thinking of resigning....but that just shows that i am not capable to accept the challenge....and also, where am i gonna find another job??? there are not many opportunities around and i am frustrated.... i know i wont be working for this company for long anyway.... and my parents and fds also think that this is not the job that is worth committing to.... in fact, most of the ppl i know think that i should quit..... yeah, i love to quit, but what will i be doing after i quit? i dont know how long i have to wait for another opportunity to come up.... and quitting means no income.... and no income will be a big problem.... before, i thought i could actually get to enjoy my work, but now all i am thinking is that i am working for the money and thats it..... but then, after all, it's not really that good pay anyway....

i fear because of work, it will put my relationship with my family and my girlfriend into jeopardy.... and i am not exaggerating, it can happen....well at least it happened to some ppl in this world... and i dont want this to happen to me....i can also feel that i have gone a little skinnier than before as well....so i guess all in all, i dont think it's worth the risk of all the closest things in my life for work....so i guess my decision is to resign....dunno when i should do that, and i dunno what will happen after that....i just dont know.....i am lost, confused, frustrated, annoyed.....and i dunno how i got myself into this situation....

anyway, enough of whinging....so i just wanted to mention some happy things that i have done over the weekend.... and saturday was just a day where i can just relax from all the hype at work....me and my bb went to the ct and took photos at capital.... after that we wanted to have lunch at zakkoku but it was closed again, so we ended up back at market ct to have lunch.... after that we went to paddy's to buy some batteries and earphones and some toys (models) so that she can play around with....haha.....so cute hey? and after that came the surprise....through connections, she got some cut price tix for us to go on ozjet, the red speedy boat thingy and we just go on the ride to get some thrill out of it.....and hell yeah, i was scared before i got onto the boat but after that it was heaps of fun.....cos it was a feel good ride.....and the water keep splashing into my face and it was very salty too.....i was all wet, and same to my bb and after the 30 minute ride, my legs were heaps shaky.....anyway, that was the highlight of the day.....after that we walked to KK at wynyard to buy some donut before catching a train home for dinner at HK......

Tonight, i got vball and i so wanted to enjoy the night before the nightmare that i am going to face with tomorrow....but i guess it will not happen.....not playing a gd team tonight.....and not many of us can play....

But still, my mind is set on for tomorrow.....dunno what will happen.....but am fearing for the worse to happen....

2004-10-10T11:16:00.000+10:00

Back to a 2 day weekend again and time is a bit tight of course...woke up around an hour ago and slept quite well too....

Of course, things went hectic for the last week at work because of the holiday....and didnt really have time to have lunch as well....so glad that the weekend came around so quickly....

Yesterday, me and my bb went to Towers and had lunch at this cafe which i forgot what it was called.....i had a bacon, avocado and cheese gourmet melt and it didnt taste as good as i expected...and my bb had a foccacia....man, foccacia's one of my favourites in uni days....loved it cos they make it well there....sometimes i do miss uni food.....anyway, we window shopped around but because we both are running out of $$, we didnt really go into the shops....apart from esprit, where we tried our luck at the scratch and win cards....but didnt do so well.....

We decided to go play 2 games of air hockey at timezone and yes, she kicked my ass.....for the 11th time in a row, but haha.....i always let her win....so after that we went to the tavern and played so many games of pool....cos it was $1 a game before 5 and hehe....we kept hitting the black ball in....god, we suck at the game....but in other games, i kicked her ass....hehe....and she was all bubbly because she gets to play with the jukebox for free, putting in all the girly songs....and the guys at another table got a little irritated by the songs (i think), so they decided to put a couple of songs in their jukebox...they were all loud banging boy songs and it totally took over her songs....hehe....but then because it costed them money, they didnt put in any more songs hehe.....meanwhile, i was watching the cricket too but then somehow they disconnected it so i had to concentrate on pool.....we left at around 5ish and because it was still a little early, we went to james henty for a bit of vball practice with the ball we bought....and it was rock hard, so we went there for around 15 minutes.....and nearly froze to death too....

Anyway, we went back to the car and looked at the photos she developed....god i look a little tired in some of them and my pimples were really visible.....dun like the look on myself in photos....after that we went to HK to have dinner as usual....and then we went to her home to watch TVBJ and played with the robotic dinosaur.....all in all, it was a relatively relaxed and a very light day....but i enjoyed every moment of it.....next wk, we should be doing sth more exciting i guess.....

Today will be a busy day cos i have to go out in the arvo....probably not much time to wash my car too....and vball is starting again tonight...doo da doo da.....copyright patent.....and with some new teams coming in and no funky squad, this season will be different....

Oh, my bb mentioned going to work overseas for this coming holidays as she said she did not want to waste this long period of time......when i heard about it, it sort of came to me as a surprise.....but at the same time, i guess i sort of agreed on her intentions, mainly because of the fact that i wasted my holidays when i was in uni, so i dont really want to see that happening to her.....and i mean she was right, staying here will be quite pointless, as Xmas period is like busy ass for me so i dont think i would have that much time for her....so if she gets the green light from her parents, then i guess she's all okies.....anyway, i am planning to take a wk's leave from work in feb, so if she doesnt go overseas, then maybe we might go to Gold Coast for a holiday or sth....dunno.....

Well, me hungry.....gotta go now.....otherwise i will starve to death......

2004-10-04T11:26:00.000+10:00

Feeling shit throughout the long weekend....and i guess it all started on friday.....again, it was stress from work which really started everything, and that made me do things in a hurry and then everything starts screwing from there.....cant imagine how many complaints i will get tomorrow..... and then by 5ish i called my bb to see where she was and as soon as she picked up the phone and talked, i knew that she was not happy at the fact that i was still at the office....by that time i got quite cranky at her but then i said to myself, maybe she didnt mean it that way....

It was around 630 when i got to the ct, after driving at 40km/h on the bridge due to atrocious weather and double demerits and my tired eyes.....i was actually scared shitless when i was driving too...because of the reasons above but i had to get out there asap or else i would be in even more trouble...but anyway, i got to entertainment carpark safely and was behind this Benz which was choosing which space to park and with no patience, i decided to forget about him and just parked my car hurriedly....and then i found myself stuck (somehow) in the car space so i called my bb for help....she was at Star Bar and my frustration deepened when she couldnt hear me.....i had full reception at my side but then i am not so sure abt Star Bar....but the funny thing is she could not hear anything except at the times when i was swearing at her, so she got pissed at me.....so we went to zakkoku for dinner but then it was closed so we went to roxy's....after that, with little time, i decided to cheer her up by going to play air hockey at Market City and they had a really shitty table too...anyway, she kept kicking me ass.....but again, i was never playing at 100% of my ability....hehe.... we also bumped into quite a few ppl too....like chris and irene, and then there's john....and etc..... anyway, we went to easy way to buy drinks before going to the concert, which i found it kinda good.....better than Joey's....and i liked the part how miriam was singing edmond's songs and vice versa.....and then the funny part was how they sang the song by At 17 together.....cos for edmond to sing a girls song, he either had to pitch it really high or or really low, and he chose the latter and miriam just couldnt stop laughing....

Anyway, got home really late that night and fell asleep big time....Saturday was tiring for me also....dunno why.....i feel physically weak of late.....i just fall asleep whenever i get a chance to sit down and rest.....man....dunno what's wrong with me....we went to chats in the arvo to have lunch and shop around and there Sandy bought a robotic pet.....which was kinda the highlight of the day.... i also bumped into rocky, jenny, sunny and jacky too.....man, havent seen those guys for ages.....so it was gd to see them again....just catching up with them for around 10 minutes while sandy was shopping at esprit and BNT....and then jacky and sunny left and rocky and jenny went to do "assignment"....anyway.....sandy and i went to watch wimbledon and for those ppl out there who thinks it's a chick flick, well, it's sooooo not one..... it's a movie talking abt the guy than Kirsten Dunst.... i mean compared to Suddenly 30, this one is definitely not a chick flick....but it's a pretty good movie given the fact that it's about tennis and that's definitely one of my favourite sports.... i was gonna fall asleep in the beginning because of the lengthy ads but thanks to the frozen coke, it made me feel better.....

We left chats at around 7 and went to HK for dinner (again) and after that i dropped her home....
Sunday was a rest day for me.....and i needed it so much......there was no volleyball at night, because the season's just finished and we won last week after a really competitive and yet tiring game.....my whole body was aching all week.....anyway, another trophy hehe.....so sunday was a day when i had nothing on.... except in the morning when i went to congee with my parents and then to Mac Cen to look for rubber tyres for the bike.....but we ended up couldnt find the right size.....i dropped into esprit to see sandy and then went home....she wanted me to stay with her for lunch but i know i cant do that.....so i said maybe i can come by again in the afternoon.....but in the end, i didnt do that as i had lunch late and spent so much time at eastwood trying to find where my mum was, who did not bring her mobile out.....so by then, i knew sandy would be pissed at me again....but then i cant really help it..... and so there goes the day..... that night i stayed home to watch the NRL final.....so wanted the roosters to win, but in the end, they didnt so i wasnt really happy at all....but it was an enjoyable night though, havent stayed at home and watch a whole NRL match for a long time.....so all in all, it was a good rest day for me....

This morning, i woke up in a pissy mood as i know it's monday and tomorrow it's back to work and it will be bad because everything that was meant to be done on a monday will now jammed into tuesday and that is just shit......and consider the performance of the system.....so not looking forward to it.....but then it was good long weekend for me to rest, but now, i just dont feel like going back to work anymore....

2004-09-26T14:03:00.000+10:00

First things first.....firstly, i like to thank my bb for writing me such an emotional (seriously) email....i mean, the most important thing is that she actually let it out....she felt better and i felt better because i know what is going on... and i have to say, i guess i am quite selfish at times.... i should have known what is going on and should have comfort her....but i dunno y i didnt... i know that she's been upset, and at that time, what was really annoying me was the fact that she just remained silent over the phone conversation and we had no sort of communication whatsoever...
anyway, i want to apologise for not giving the support that she is supposed to be getting and really i hope this a lesson that i will learn from...

Work has been stressful as usual....dun wanna whinge anymore....but just cant help it....and now this line from this song kicked in....."work sucks, I know" (Blink 182).....what the hell am i on abt? again, i guess it was stressful at the beginning of the wk and got better later on....heaps busy on mon, tues and wed, and then heaps free on thurs and fri..... this coming week will be different.... super busy mon, tues and wed and hopefully getting better on thurs and fri....man i know my timetable well....

On friday night, i had dinner with mum as it was her bday.....my bb came too....and thanks for that....hehe.... and we ate at chequers.... so nothing much happened that night except for the fact that my bb was still quite upset... on saturday, we went out to ct and had lunch at the yummy jap place (and cheap too) before going to get the parking ticket for next wk's concert.....after that we went karaoke at Green Box and of course, they were so updated la.....no need to go to honkas for K anymore....it's just as gd here.....but the thing which caught my attention was when we queued up to pay....some guy (or maybe tb) in front of me, who looked so "leng" (kiddo) went to pay up....and man, he looked so underaged....and he was like 2 heads shorter than me!! but he (?) was talking in a pretty grown up manner, and he had provisional licence....dunno if that was fake too!!! but anyway, the way he (?) talked sounded quite inch....anyway, none of my business....So after K, we caught a bus to the rocks cos i promised to bring my bb to the Sticky candy store. But we got there and we couldnt find the one that she liked so we decided to "fly" down to Bondi to get it....and the shitty thing was that the trains were held up because some guy was in the tunnel....so we got there later than we planned to and we rushed to get the 380 gram jar of mixed fruit and then rushed back to the station....

As last night, there was a 21st party (Stephanie and Bernie) at 7pm, we needed to get back to eastwood at 530pm latest but didnt make it eventually.... however, we got to eastwood at 6 and rushed to HK for dinner and then to my bb's place cos she needed to change into a sexier outfit , so we got there at around 8pm.... we didnt leave until when her mum called and that was like 11pm....so by the time i dropped her home and got home myself, it was like 12....and my phone ran out of battery so i missed my sis's call....anyway, i found out this morning that her grad ceremony is on tuesday fortnight and she wanted me to go.....and shyte, that is normally the worst day of the week for me so i dont know whether i can make it.....plus i have meetings on tuesday mornings, so......dunno lu....

Went to eat congee this morning again and i still havent had lunch yet....tonight is the final for vball and i think it will be a gd game.....so looking forward to enjoy tonight.....

Just to finish off....me and my bb are sort of all right now....but i am not convinced that our problem is fully solved....deep down i always knew that since started working, i am not spending enough time with her....if i did, i think things will get better.... i couldnt come up with a solution to this, other than just rent and move out together.....i wanted to, but financially, it is not an ideal solution.....i guess i just have to keep thinking.....

I love u bb....I really do....

2004-09-19T14:17:00.000+10:00

sigh....never enough time for everything....just got too much to do on a sunday....was gonna plan a visit to Macq Cen but dont think i have time....because of time, i can never do things properly... like yesterday i went to get my new phone and forgot about the case which was meant to come with it....so i have to go again today....and i gotta go soon otherwise the shop will close....

Anyway, the week has gone nice and fast....last sunday i went to get a hair cut and now i have short hair....spiky, after applying gel...but yeah, it kinda look nice...i kinda liked it, but i was having a nightmare during the process of cutting it short....anyway, mixed reaction from pplz...some liked it while some was saying: "what the hell did u do with your hair?" and i just replied: "i cut it short." but yeah, my head do feel a lot lighter nowadays...cant resist looking myself into the mirror too...

While the week has gone by very quickly, the weekend has not been nice at all...my bb has been quite stressed with uni and work and therefore, she kept whinging at me for not caring about her....geez....i guess she took it the wrong way from what i said to her over the phone the other night....all i wanted to do was to tell her that the break is coming up so u can sort of relax a bit...but then....she thought otherwise....and then we stopped talking for 2 nights....which is a first...so on saturday, we went out and i guess i wanted to make up for the miscommunication, but i guess we were just having a shit day in general....i mean basically my bb's blog have said it all....i knew she was in no mood for anything and that really kinda pissed me off....when she's in no mood, she says nothing....whenever i ask her sth, she doesnt really reply directly...i asked her a zillion times what's wrong and all she said was "nothing.", and really, that was a lie....it's pretty obvious sth is wrong...i couldnt figure out what is wrong so i asked her....and when she says nothing, that really frustrates me....so really as the day dragged on, i just gave up and just shut up....she was in no mood for air hockey too, so i just couldnt be bothered trying to play properly....but there were some funny moments still... she kept smashing the puck out of the table....and nearly had me ducking for cover....

After bowling and air hockey, we went to HK for dinner and i guess that was the best time we had for the day cos at least we were talking....but after that, the night was short...and she was driving psycho for the whole day....was so worried when she was driving home after dropping me off...cos in that kind of mood, she could get herself killed if not driving properly...but then, she got home all right...so that was a relief... and we didnt talk for long that night too...and she just said over the phone that i am a bastard, cos i dont spend enough time on the phone with her...well, i guess it's kinda hard when one person doesnt speak...again, i asked her pretty much the same questions...trying to help her to feel better, or just help her in anyway, but then she didnt make this possible...but then it may be my fault too....cos my phone was malfunctioning and couldnt hear her properly, and the reception is always shit at my place, so it just makes communication just that much more difficult... and because i wanted to improve the situation, i decided to get a new phone yesterday....hope things will get better with the new phone la....then i can sort of talk to her a bit more easily over the phone....

Tonight is semi finals for vball....we r playing against Queenies team, which is probably the weaker team out of the 4. But since they reached the semis then obviously they r a gd team so i guess it will be a gd game tonight....cant wait...
today has been busy and now i am tired already....i washed my car and washed the bike that i was going to give it to my bb....but i need to pump up the tyres and clean a bit rust in the bike and hopefully it will be "rideable" (what's the correct word for this?)....maneouvrable? but now i gotta end here and pop out to parra to get the free case and hopefully i have time to go and visit her la....

2004-09-12T13:47:00.000+10:00

The past week had been full on again....structured but full on.....work is usual from Monday to Friday and gf on weekend.... work sux....as usual....thought it would get better but dont think it will ever happen.... i find it very not worth it anymore.... having to drive all the way to work and then i never get off early.... it's just not on....been job hunting everytime i go on the net but not successful....dunno why....sigh.....i dun even know y other ppl can find jobs quite easily and they enjoy it and they get off on time and sometimes even bludge.... while as for my job, its like i have to be on standby.... not fair.... maybe this is a test for me.... a test for me working full time and how difficult it is.... seriously, there's just no life when i started working full time.... i mean i could have stayed at the office until 7pm on friday.....and really, weekend would have started by then.... but then, i said to myself, no, i am not gonna stay there until 7pm....it's just not gonna work, so forget it, and i just left...

Already it's sunday....looking forward to tonight but not tomorrow....i guess if time goes by quickly, it would be good.... that means i would have earned my work experience a lot faster... and hopefully i can get outta there a bit quicker....i only worked for 4 months so i guess i cant get out of there now.... i always said that i am looking to work there for a maximum of 1 year....dunno if thats possible....cos if no other job offer come out, then i guess i would be stuck there for longer....the worst scenario is if i made redundant now.....then that would be a tragedy...

Anyway, I spent yesterday with my bb just hanging around hornsby westfield....doing a bit of window shopping cos we both r out of $$, but she still managed to pick up some good bargains.....so good for her la.....we first went to yum cha and then walked around before we were tired and had mango chiller at GJs. We also bumped into Dong and his gf too....anyway, we went to play air hockey at timezone before we watched suddenly 30.... man she suck at air hockey hahaha.....but then somehow she's still better than me.....so i suck even more.....but anyway, timezone is cheap ass.....we havent even finished our game and the vacuum just switched off automatically......got ripped off.....anywey, i WAS leading in the game......

Suddenly 30 was SOOOOOO a chick flick.....man......it was pretty gay....all the other chick flicks i watched were all right....but this one, i didnt like it....Jennifer Garner looked all right though..... but i am not and never will be a fan of her.... dunno why.....just dun like her.....by the time we finished watching the movie, it was around 630pm and we went catching a train to penno to pick her car up and it was cold ass too....we went to HK for dinner so that was good..... So the day went by just like that.....and will have to wait for another 7 days for the best day of the week to come again...

Today, i went to breaky with my family at eastwood....poor dad has been eating bread for the past 6 mornings so we decided to give some change to that and went to have congee..... and later on today i will go for a haircut.

Been sick for past week....very frustrating....but no choice....i am just not getting better.....i know i have lost weight..... and really the pants dont fit me no more.....i mean if someone suddenly comes and decks me, i am quite sure that they will be successful....

I am talking to my good friend Kenneth at the moment.....poor guy.....he's even more busier than me....working almost full time and studying almost full time as well.....but then he's heaps smart....met him at Nemesis 4 yrs ago....and have kept in touch for all this time......dun seee him often though....cos we go to different uni and he's always bc.... he lacks sleep....

Hmmmm.....dunno what to say now.....i think i have said enough.....i know my entries are kinda boring...cos i dun express myself very well.... but then the purpose of writing diary is just for me to let out things that i have been thinking about and have been doing....

Finally, I must not forget this.....HAPPY 25 MONTHS BB!!!! Thanks for the email u sent me the other day....i love it very much.....THANK YOU!!!! MWAH!!!!

2004-09-05T20:35:00.000+10:00

Another weekend has passed and another 5 days before the next one....sigh....dunno what to say....who invented weekends to be 2 days only? Anyway, tonight I stayed home....didnt go vball cos my bb couldnt cos its fathers day... and i was tired from yesterday with my body aching everywhere.... and also, i have been sick for the past few days already....i even lost my voice.... or maybe i am going through puberty again?? hehe...dun think so..... i just had a sore throat and then somehow i couldnt even speak properly... when i try to speak loud, i sometimes "jull yum" and it's quite funny too....

Work has been quite hectic too for the week.... thanks to the stupid system that we have in my company....it cant do jack....so initially, i was able to finish my stuff by thursday and sort of bum around on friday but then thanks to the stupid system, i nearly missed deadline on friday and i would be dead meat....the system just makes me (and others) rush their work and sometimes it's just hard to do our job properly....and then somehow we get into trouble just cos we didnt do our work properly....it's just not fair.....man, dun wanna go work tmr cos that's when i will know whether if there are any probs with my work....

I guess i am kinda lucky to get this job where i am working on the company's main revenue raising client.... or so i was told.... cos apparently, someone told me if we lose this client, then the comp would be close to broke and that's no good.... so i am lucky in terms of having to work on the top client, but then this means a lot more stress will be in the work.....sigh.....everything always have good and bad sides....

Tmr i got this performance review training thing in the morning....dunno what i have to do there but it seems like you just sit there and listen....but i am kinda worried....lucky i am not the first one....keke.... and it takes time too....man, it's gonna be a long day tmr....

Mum has been sick for the past 5 days already, and she had been getting quite frustrated at how she couldnt recover quickly so that she can go to work.... meanwhile, i have been quite frustrated at how she whinges about how she couldnt recover quickly.... sigh.... family problems.... dunno what to do.... sometimes i really just wanna move out.... just to stay away from everything... but i know that it will definitely not work for me....i do not have the income to actually support myself.... nor that i can look after myself properly.... sigh....

I was glad that i went out for the whole day yesterday with my bb.... we went to play this vball tournament at Ryde....."representing" UNSW, but we basically had a make up team....i got ed and dom to come as well.....and man, lucky i did that cos otherwise we would have lost big time....well, we lost 2 out of 3 games anyway.... the other guy Choi was pretty good.... but his fds were very rusty..... seriously, if next year we were to play again, i should get "my team" and we would have killed everybody in the comp.... anyway, it was heaps of fun though.... but very tiring.... cos we started at 9am and finished at around 3pm...

After that, we head straight out to the ct for dinner... we went on the 2000 to have sunset dinner and we parked the car at the rocks..... after that we went to Jamson's 21st party.... i was hoping that they had a tv there so that i could watch the Swans but then i had my hopes up....i ended up watching the hail falling on top of us.... although it was kinda boring, but it was a nice atmosphere, everybody was basically talking crap which did not make too much of a sense... but then because everybody does not seem to be in touch with everybody for a long time, then what can you talk about? the answer is, nothing but crap.... so it was pretty good....except that i lost my voice so i couldnt talk one bit....

By 10pm, we left and i was dead tired already and my bb dropped me home and i took shower and called my bb saying gdnight and went to zzzzzz.....

Didnt wake up till 8:30am this morning cos i was dead tired.....and i woke my bb up knowing she had to wake up to go to work....after that i went back to sleep and woke up at around 10:30am....me and my bro and dad went to Macq centre to eat lunch and then i gave my bb a little surprise visit.....cos i miss her.....so i bummed around there for the whole arvo and when we left, we basically saw sydney "snowing".... actually, it was hailing very badly that u cant see anything but hail on the roads.....While my bb enjoyed the moment and started taking pix from her phone, i was freaked out at how the roads will be very slippery and told my bb to drive safely but she was too excited.... and then i freaked out about how this climate change will affect our lives later on.....man......i am worried.....earth can explode if this goes on.....i have never seen anything as bad.....

Anyway, it seems that i have written quite a bit for this.....and i think i better post this before my place blacks out cos we seem to be short of electricity......if u know what i mean.....

2004-08-29T17:13:00.000+10:00

It's sunday afternoon again....gotta wake up early tmr to go to work early....stupid system....always slow....

Had a pretty busy weekend as all weekends are.... Left work at around 6 on friday night and went out to dinner with my mum and bro... and we were in the guest room....it sucked cos after a while, there this huge group of ppl coming in and made our dinner very noisy.... the bad thing was that they were the ppl who i met in uni...sad.... so we had a rather unpeaceful dinner and we went home after that....

Saturday morning was pretty warm and i went to pick up my baby at her place and went to chats... we basically went into the same shops (fashion boutiques) and there were heaps of clothes that my bb wanted to buy but she did not have the $$ so she had to hold it.... other than that, we went to get some vcds and we also went into this shop at chase which had really "space age" type stuff in it....they were pretty cool!!! and i found my father's day present there too...except i didnt get it....i should....but i just didnt..... we also got heaps of junk food at chats too... meanwhile, she kept on enticing me to go into Bras N Things with her.... but then i kept refusing... cos i was just scared that i would blush once i go in....

Anyway, we had dinner at HK as usual and her parents joined in and after that we went to this play, organised by church ppl....many of my gf's fds were in it and that was the motivator for us to attend... it was pretty interesting, although i had no idea what it was about.... i mean not in a deeper level of understanding.... but overall, i did enjoy the performance and it was something different for us to do...

Today, my dad came back from HK and i had to go and pick him up from the airport.....we got there late so there was no Krispy Kremes for me....sigh..... we then went to chats for lunch and then to house hunting.... so i did not speak to my bb for the whole morning as i was heaps bc.... we got home at around 3ish almost 4 and vball was on tv....the gold medal match between china and russia... and it was a replay as the game was played early this morning and my bro stayed up to watch it.... anyway, it was a really good game although i have missed half of it cos i had to go on the net...

I was supposed to go to this gathering thing from work this arvo but due to time constraints, i had no choice but to miss it.... sort of wanted to go cos i can play a bit of cricket there but in the end, i just cant....besides it was kinda far...and it was raining too....so.....i guess i made the right decision, if this was ever considered as a decision....

Anyway, another vball is coming up tonight.....it should be a better game so i hope i have a better night....gotta go to my bb's house to pick her up.....so, another short entry.....damn....

Just to make it a little longer, i decided to post this song up....the tune is based on the golden circle ad.... and the lyrics are composed by my bb....she wrote it for me.....how sweet....and here it is:

"You are my baby, my only baby
You buy me lollies, when skies are grey!
I really love you, dun ever leave me,
You dun take my lollies away!!!"

Gee.....always think about lollies....

Oh another thing, we bought a vball last week....we finally got it after almost half a year pushing me to get it.....unfortunately, it had wrinkles on it.... my gf's got the ball and have been sleeping with it every night....i wonder how many more wrinkles will it have now?? hehe...

Anyway, time to go....damn....gonna miss the vball game.....

2004-08-22T14:46:00.000+10:00

Man, it's Sunday again... work tmr again..... i just figured out that i always whinge whenever i write in here about how i have to go to work the next day and how i just dont wanna go to work.... just thinking about it makes me feel sad.... like it's kinda work where i sort of know what is coming up this week and how much work there is... although next week (theoretically) should be not as busy, but somehow i got a feeling that things will pop up from somewhere and will make me really pissed and will make me really busy...and that's what happened last week...

Anyway, apart from work, nothing much happened over the week.... on Friday night, me and my gf went to Joey concert...and we had a pretty good night, but one disappointing moment was when my bb wanted to go down and shake Joey's hands, i declined to go with her, and that made her heaps upset...i guess it was my fault...i was just too lazy to move... but i thought about it though, and i thought that there was no point cos there is no way she can reach her hands....but anyway, sorry baby... the good thing was that we sat quite close to the stage... so that was good... it finished quite early though....around 11pm and started late ....around 830pm.... so it was kinda rip off.... anyway, after that we had to queue in the car park for almost 15 minutes just to get out and that was kinda frustrating too.... all in all, i got home at around 12ish or 1, after dropping my bb off...

Yesterday we went to parra to have lunch and shopping and after that we went to play tennis and my god, she was good....considering the fact that she have not played for like 5 years or sth....but hehe, she kept on thinking i was "jull" her.... and i was... haha.... but i kept denying haha... man, tennis was my childhood sport and i love it a lot, as much as my vball.... probably more than vball... but yeah, so we had a really good time playing a bit of tennis... After that, we went to HK for dinner... and really, that place is becoming our "canteen" cos we go there almost every weekend... so we get discounts and that we know the ppl who work there....hehe..... after that, she came to my place to watch a bit of Olympics and she looked soooooo cute hugging Ernie and watching tv....

So that was our day yesterday, and it went so quickly.....which is not fair.... oh, and one thing i left unmentioned.... i secretly left a ring in her car and she didnt know that.....geee.....that was a first.... but yeah.... it was meant to be her (belated) 2 year anniversary present.... and i really do hope that she liked it.... but i kept on thinking that she might be disappointed because it's something which she predicted she would get..... anyway, that night she called me and kept asking me when i got the ring and when i put the ring in the car..... and i kept saying that i wont tell her.... but i just want her to know that all i wanted to do is to make her happy.... it is irrelevant with regards to how much i bought the ring for.... as long as she likes it, i have achieved my objective... cos really, she deserves it... i know it deep in my heart.... love u heaps bb!!!! mwah!!!!!

My phone's been screwing up all week so i need to get it fixed.....i guess this will be a relatively short blog... cos i need to go out and get my phone fixed before shops close.... i wanted to write more... but i guess i have to stop...

2004-08-15T11:50:00.000+10:00

Man, can't believe it's already Sunday... weekend is just too short... don't want to go to work tomorrow cos again it will be busy ass and it's the most stressful day of the week... looking forward to next weekend already...

Last Sunday night was heaps good... we had a damn good game.... i mean it was really competitive and although we won on that night, i still think it's a draw cos they only had 3 players for the first set... so i guess the semis/finals will be even better...

Work last week was meant to be most relaxing, but somehow it ended up being so bloody busy... dunno why....maybe it's cos i had to wait for things to come so that i can work on it, and when they come, they come all at once and they expect you to finish it in quick time...man... sometimes, the waiting part is very annoying... i cant do anything nor can i leave my desk just in case the things come... so i waited for nearly the whole Wednesday for the things to come... anyway.... enough of work.... just dun wanna talk about it....

Me and my bb celebrated our 2 years yesterday... we went to Bondi Junction Westfield, and seriously, that is one Westfield which is different from all others... heaps more stylish and even parking's different.... 2 hours free instead of 3.... how gay... trying to rip ppl off... and we got lost in the car park too... but the day did not start as well as we wanted....i was late to meet my bb and she fully went off at me.... so we didnt have a good lunch at HK but anyway, we went straight to Bondi Junction after that... so we walked around the mall for the whole afternoon, looking at all sorts of things... and unbelievably, i bumped into Sam... i was surprised but anyway.... we also went to this shop called sticky, selling these "homemade" lollies.... bb loved them and she bought a jar... and vowed to have them all to herself... but i didnt like them though... i mean i was offered this at work and i tasted it and it kinda suck.... anyway i still ate one bb offered me... we got heaps tired and we went to sit at food court which had heaps good view of the ct and played snakes on the mobile phone... how silly...hahaha... she kept losing...

We left Bondi Junction at 5ish and got lost in the carpark before we found my car... and then we went to Bondi Beach to have steak at Hurricanes... it was our second time there and although the steak and ribs (Junior T-Bone and Half-Rack) tasted great, but i thought it was not as good as the first time we went there... maybe this is one of the places where you find it really good the first time you go, but then it becomes kinda original when you go there again...

Anyway, we had a great day yesterday, but it didnt end well cos i was feeling sick when i was driving....feel like throwing up all the way.... so no good.... couldnt breathe properly too... must have been the food... i must have ate too much!!! cant digest quick enough i guess...

Yesterday just went by too quickly... i mean that's the only day when i can really be with my bb and it just went by so quickly... not fair.... man, been thinking a lot lately... i really think that i need to spend more time with my bb and i already spent as much time i have as possible but it's just not enough... dunno what i can do.... help!!!

Well i guess i have to look forward to vball tonight.... but i am not looking forward to work tmr... but i bet ya that tonight will go quickly as well....

2004-08-08T14:41:00.000+10:00

Hi! This is my first ever posting on Blog and honestly, i really dunno how this website works...all i know is that this is a place where i can write a diary for myself... and i will try not to use too much obscene language here....but if i do get a bit pissed off then sorry!!!....anyway, i want to thanks firstly to Sandy, my lovely gf for helping me in setting this up for me.....love you heaps!!!! my life is pretty ordinary...work on weekdays and the only time that i look forward to is the weekend, where i can spend as much time as possible with my gf....

Work has been stressful for the past week...but i guess i am starting to get the hang of it...so i mite start to enjoy my work more...dunno....dun want to talk too much about work cos it just reminds me that tmr is monday and its back to work!!!

I felt really buggered yesterday....maybe i just did not have enough sleep....this neighbour who will be moving in soon employed some contractors to do a bit renovations for their new home.....so it was bloody noisy since like 9am in the morning.....so i got up when they started drilling holes into the wall....swear man....it was scary....they mite poke right through the wall and i mite end up having a hole in my room....anyway....typical honkie "c lai", just wanted their new home to be all nice and cosy....

Went to Glebe markets later that day with my gf and shopped around for a while....but i felt really nauseous and just wanted to puke....it must have been the milk tea i drank at lunch....but i managed to get my gf a little bracelet....and she definitely deserves it!!! she does so many things for me....and i am forever grateful for everything that she does for me....mwah!!!

We went back to ct after that and went to her place wrapping present for Kelly, who is having her 21st bday party that night...we had dinner at HK as we always do once every weekend and then i picked Ming up from his place and we went to Chats for the party....Sandy was pissed before that....cos she spilt her tea all over her $125 Levi's so it had stains on it....i tried to comfort her but i dont think it worked.....

Anyway, we went to the party and watched rugby and played pool and talked to my hs fds...and i was glad that she had a good time......i was really worried that she mite be a bit bored going to the party with me....but she mixed in ok well with them....and she almost fully went off at me because Kelly's parents remembered who i was and i seriously couldnt figure out how her parents could remember me.....i think i only saw them once or twice.....anyway, things went kinda worse when Henderson joked about whether this was the gf i had in the frst yr of uni...man, i didnt even have a gf in first yr....dunno where he got that from, but then i knew he was just joking....hope my baby felt the same way.....

We left early last nite....at around 11 and on the way home we had a really good talk about various issues.....man.....we havent had that kind of talk for ages....so i drove back to my home and she picked up her car from there and drove home....we chatted for a little while on the phone later that nite and then we went to sleep....

This morning i woke up, quite early too......cos the nature of me is that i somehow wake myself up at 8 or 9 everyday.....but never want to get up before then.....so i went to do some comp stuff and then tried to go back to sleep but was not successful.....so basically i bummed at home.....but the comp stuff took me ages.....so taht took me almost the whole morning....

Just found out i got invited to this interview for a finance/financial planning job....stupid employer man.....sent an email to tell me this.....its on wednesday....dunno whether i should go but i will definitely talk to my baby about it first.....not that i dont like my job at the moment, but really i gotta think about my future too....a month ago, i actually hated the job, but now it got a bit better.....so i dunno.....

Tonite i will play vball with my baby and my team.....we're playing the "idol" team....so i am looking forward to that....but i never really get to enjoy it much....cos it's just too short.....one hour....it can go by very quickly....and after that its the end of weekend.....man, i miss those days at uni...i envy my baby.....she still has those days.....

Tuesday is our 2 yr anniversary....wanted to take the day off but i know this is hugely impossible, cos normally monday and tuesday and wednesday are the busiest days of the week and if i dont go to work i will be dead.....my baby was rite.....she told me that i need to find a balance between work and gf.....but i dunno what i should do on Tuesday....man, cant believe its 2 yrs already....but then thinking back, we have been through a lot.....so it's not a bad achievement....all i know is that throughout these 2 yrs she has been there for me every minute...and i am deeply thankful for that.....

Guess have to go now.....